I did find the Collins essay, "My Grandfather's Tackle Box." Are we to feel guilty for using our lives in our poems? I always proceeded on the assumption that I had the freedom to use my life, though it was never my life, was my mythical life. Anyway, a propos this topic, I thought I ought to memorize Milton's poem on his blindness, so that maybe it will teach me to quit obsessing on all those lives I should have had, the lives I think I want better than this one, the lives that thus occlude this one, with all its riches.



When I Consider How My Light Is Spent



When I consider how my light is spent

Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,

And that one talent which is death to hide

Lodged with me useless, though my sould more bent

To serve therewith my Maker, and present

My true account, lest he returning chide:

"Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?"

I fondly ask; but Patience to prevent

That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need

Either man's work or his own gifts; who best

Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state

Is kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed

And post o'er land and ocean without rest;

They also serve who only stand and wait."



Well I cannot exactly stand, and don't exactly believe, but the lesson is well-taken.